I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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