Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
