it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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