i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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