my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
