I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize