yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize