This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Semen is not good for contacts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
