no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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