you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
