would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
