I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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