He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
