i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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