i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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