your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
