I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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