what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's always time for handjobs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
