Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
