It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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