That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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