Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
