I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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