brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
