They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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