I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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