I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
