I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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