Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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