checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.