Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.