you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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