Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
