It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
