Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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