If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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