she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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