I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
