I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm both gender and math confused
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
