porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
