Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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