so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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