you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
