I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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