I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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