I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
