Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize