I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
