You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
