dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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