"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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