her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is wine microwaveable?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
