I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
