I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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