were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
