Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
