mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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