What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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