I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
