It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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