too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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